by scmatchmakers | May 7, 2018 | love advice
As anyone who’s been in a relationship for more than a few days knows, conflicts between partners are unavoidable. They can crop up for any number of reasons. What happens in relationships when fights and disagreements over things outside of the relationship come up as they inevitably will? How do you speak your mind while respecting both your partner and relationship? Do you think it’s possible to agree to disagree?
In my experience, the ego is what separates us while the spirit unites. For example, being “right” around religion and politics is an ego-driven badge of honor that creates tension and separation. But when you can walk into a conversation or experience with an open mind knowing that differences create opportunities for growth and expansion, then your spirit is leading the way. And in those situations, you create the space for connection.”
Allowing ourselves room to be wrong makes us better listeners and observers. You’ll find yourself connecting with and sometimes embracing other people’s points-of-view rather than reactively judging and dismissing them from the get-go. I understand it’s not easy to do, but it is something to practice when you find yourself between a rock and a hard place with someone for which you care. And don’t forget that nothing says you have to agree or align in that way. I’ve matched plenty of democrats to republicans who are happily married. I see Jews and Christians, and a rainbow of religions making relationships and marriages work all of the time. I really believe it comes down to how you choose to show up in the partnership when you aren’t on the same page with your significant other. These are moments your partner will remember, and they have the potential to be a source of contention. When people are fighting, they typically see it as a “Me vs. You” thing. But a healthy couple frames it as a “Me and You vs. The Problem” thing. Pausing to explore the scenario through your partner’s POV is a great first step before engaging in any versions of dialogue or disagreement.
After your pause for perspective, if you’re still irritated, remind yourself that you are teammates and there is no competition for being right. Instead of worrying about blame, spend some of that valuable energy thinking through plausible solutions for the problem that respects you, your partner, and the relationship. Once you’ve taken those rational moments of mindfulness, then you’re ready to engage in a potentially uncomfortable yet respectful discussion rather than a fight. Be open to the possibility that the outcome might be simply to agree to disagree. I think in this day in age, compassion and understanding are what we are being called to do and if we can’t be compassionate with one another then what is the point of being in a relationship at all?
by scmatchmakers | Apr 17, 2018 | love advice
No matter how your previous relationship ended, dating after divorce can be intimidating. Just knowing that not all love ends in happy endings can put a new perspective on the old dating game. As matchmakers, it’s our job to empower you in dating and beyond, so when it comes to getting back on the horse after a breakup, we know it’s as much about how you feel towards yourself as it is about how you feel towards the person sitting on the other side of the table.
As cliché as it sounds, the first thing you have to do when reentering the dating pool is to be honest with yourself. You’ve been through a lot and are not interested in any dating disasters. Instead, assess how you’re feeling internally, what you need, what you want, and then ask yourself these four questions:
- What’s your pace?
Whether you are ready to dive in or move slowly, it’s important to get back on the bike. Divorce is never easy but part of healing is getting yourself back out there. You deserve the best and it’s time to move on and tackle the next chapter of life. You set the pace and we’ll set the dates.
- Do you know what you’re looking for?
Although your attractions may not have changed, do you want to date the same type of person again? Honestly ask yourself what it is that you need most in a partner at this very moment in your life. You’re going to have to approach the situation differently if you’re looking for someone to start a new life with than if you’re looking for someone just to have a little fun with. So think about what you want and go for it.
- Do you know what’s changed?
With the rise in new technologies and casual meetups, the dating culture may have changed since the last time you were on the scene. Read up on dating in the twenty-first century and let us help guide you through the process before you make any sudden moves. It never hurts to be prepared and get back in-sync with the current dating etiquette.
- Do you have an open mind?
While it’s important to learn from past mistakes and successes, don’t let your past hold you back. Keep an open mind when it comes to meeting new people and putting yourself out there. Don’t over correct your past relationship mistakes by going after someone completely opposite. In the end, you are still attracted to the same people and should look for a happy medium between old and new.
The most important thing to remember when dating after divorce is that you’re not alone. So if you’re nervous, it’s okay – we’re here to help.
by scmatchmakers | Jan 18, 2018 | Ask the Matchmaker
Hiring a matchmaker or using a dating service is something that never crossed my mind. Like all of us, I imagined the perfect love would appear at the perfect time. We’d ride off into the sunset happily ever after. But that didn’t happen—not even close. So after years of dating in a decidedly unproductive fashion, I began to consider alternate approaches for meeting The One.
Maybe it was time to bring in the professionals.
It was my father’s idea initially. “Precious, why don’t you try a matchmaker? I keep seeing their ads. It looks like a good idea.” At first I felt a little—I don’t know—insulted maybe? “Dad, I can get my own dates, thank you very much. I don’t need an agency to help me meet men.” “I know you meet plenty of men, sweetie. I’m just wondering if you’re meeting the right type of men.” He had a point.
Still, I wrestled with the idea for several months. Below are the three main reservations I had—and what it took for me to get over them.
Why I didn’t want to take this Avenue
- It’s Embarrassing: Admittedly, I wasn’t running into strong prospects on my own, but hiring a matchmaker seemed a pretty drastic step. And frankly, it felt a little embarrassing. What would people think—that I was so pitiful I couldn’t manage my own love life? Then again, I had to admit that although I did date a lot, I wasn’t connecting with men with whom I could envision a future . . .
How I Got Over It: Ultimately, I realized there was no shame in partnering with a dating service in order to avail myself of a pool of quality eligible men and have someone do the contacting and arranging for me. What’s so embarrassing about intentionally trying to find love? Nothing!
- It’s Expensive. Of course the fee proved a barrier at first. Who wants to have to pay for dates? Why couldn’t I just bump into The One on the subway or at the park or at the gym?
How I Got Over It: As I deliberated, I eventually came to see the cost of the program as a perk, not a detriment. If the service were cheap or free, it would attract people looking merely for hook ups and casual dates—and I didn’t need any help finding guys like that! I came to realize that the financial investment actually serves as a vetting process, ensuring that the men I’d meet were serious about pursuing a long-term relationship!
- I Don’t Get to Pick Who I Date. Turning over my romantic pursuits to a matchmaker meant I gave up control over who I met! This definitely gave me pause.
How I Got Over It: After mulling it over, I recognized this obstacle would also end up being beneficial in the end. One of the main reasons I considered hiring a dating service in the first place was that I didn’t have time to scroll through hundreds of profiles, reading bio after bio and perusing photo after photo. Losing control of the selection process meant gaining time—which was definitely worth it to me
I am so Glad I did!
And as for why I’m so glad I hired a dating service? Because that’s how I met The One! In May we’ll celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary and we couldn’t be happier! Thankfully, I got over my reservations and joined because Dan and I never would have crossed paths if we hadn’t!
If you’re considering hiring a dating service, I’m sure you’ve grappled with the same concerns I did. I hope my thoughts will help you determine if a matchmaker is for you. And more than anything, I hope you meet The One!
by scmatchmakers | Nov 22, 2017 | Best Matchmaker
We are ecstatic to announce that South Carolina Matchmakers, Jennifer J. Hayes, was nominated for Best Matchmaker 2018 at the renowned international iDate awards in Miami. iDate is the most prestigious global awards in the dating calendar and consider by many The Oscars of the Dating world. The ceremony has a global reach and draws in the top elite in the matchmaking industry.
“Being nominated is an honor and it says so much about the amazing, dedicated staff we have here at South Carolina Matchmakers. All of us are extremely passionate about forever changing the lives of our clients for the better. A big thank you to everyone that contributed to us being nominated.” Jennifer J. Hayes, Director of Operations
by scmatchmakers | Sep 2, 2017 | Ask the Matchmaker
Jennifer Hayes, the Director of Operations for South Carolina Matchmakers, adds that because bad relationships tend to harden people, matchmakers must encourage clients to keep their hearts and minds open to love. “One of the biggest hurdles we have as a matchmakers is encouraging clients to stay open to the possibilities of finding love,” she tells Mental Floss, in a recent interview.
“Read more at ” Mental Floss that links to the full article
