by scmatchmakers | May 7, 2018 | love advice
As anyone who’s been in a relationship for more than a few days knows, conflicts between partners are unavoidable. They can crop up for any number of reasons. What happens in relationships when fights and disagreements over things outside of the relationship come up as they inevitably will? How do you speak your mind while respecting both your partner and relationship? Do you think it’s possible to agree to disagree?
In my experience, the ego is what separates us while the spirit unites. For example, being “right” around religion and politics is an ego-driven badge of honor that creates tension and separation. But when you can walk into a conversation or experience with an open mind knowing that differences create opportunities for growth and expansion, then your spirit is leading the way. And in those situations, you create the space for connection.”
Allowing ourselves room to be wrong makes us better listeners and observers. You’ll find yourself connecting with and sometimes embracing other people’s points-of-view rather than reactively judging and dismissing them from the get-go. I understand it’s not easy to do, but it is something to practice when you find yourself between a rock and a hard place with someone for which you care. And don’t forget that nothing says you have to agree or align in that way. I’ve matched plenty of democrats to republicans who are happily married. I see Jews and Christians, and a rainbow of religions making relationships and marriages work all of the time. I really believe it comes down to how you choose to show up in the partnership when you aren’t on the same page with your significant other. These are moments your partner will remember, and they have the potential to be a source of contention. When people are fighting, they typically see it as a “Me vs. You” thing. But a healthy couple frames it as a “Me and You vs. The Problem” thing. Pausing to explore the scenario through your partner’s POV is a great first step before engaging in any versions of dialogue or disagreement.
After your pause for perspective, if you’re still irritated, remind yourself that you are teammates and there is no competition for being right. Instead of worrying about blame, spend some of that valuable energy thinking through plausible solutions for the problem that respects you, your partner, and the relationship. Once you’ve taken those rational moments of mindfulness, then you’re ready to engage in a potentially uncomfortable yet respectful discussion rather than a fight. Be open to the possibility that the outcome might be simply to agree to disagree. I think in this day in age, compassion and understanding are what we are being called to do and if we can’t be compassionate with one another then what is the point of being in a relationship at all?
by scmatchmakers | Jan 18, 2018 | Ask the Matchmaker
Hiring a matchmaker or using a dating service is something that never crossed my mind. Like all of us, I imagined the perfect love would appear at the perfect time. We’d ride off into the sunset happily ever after. But that didn’t happen—not even close. So after years of dating in a decidedly unproductive fashion, I began to consider alternate approaches for meeting The One.
Maybe it was time to bring in the professionals.
It was my father’s idea initially. “Precious, why don’t you try a matchmaker? I keep seeing their ads. It looks like a good idea.” At first I felt a little—I don’t know—insulted maybe? “Dad, I can get my own dates, thank you very much. I don’t need an agency to help me meet men.” “I know you meet plenty of men, sweetie. I’m just wondering if you’re meeting the right type of men.” He had a point.
Still, I wrestled with the idea for several months. Below are the three main reservations I had—and what it took for me to get over them.
Why I didn’t want to take this Avenue
- It’s Embarrassing: Admittedly, I wasn’t running into strong prospects on my own, but hiring a matchmaker seemed a pretty drastic step. And frankly, it felt a little embarrassing. What would people think—that I was so pitiful I couldn’t manage my own love life? Then again, I had to admit that although I did date a lot, I wasn’t connecting with men with whom I could envision a future . . .
How I Got Over It: Ultimately, I realized there was no shame in partnering with a dating service in order to avail myself of a pool of quality eligible men and have someone do the contacting and arranging for me. What’s so embarrassing about intentionally trying to find love? Nothing!
- It’s Expensive. Of course the fee proved a barrier at first. Who wants to have to pay for dates? Why couldn’t I just bump into The One on the subway or at the park or at the gym?
How I Got Over It: As I deliberated, I eventually came to see the cost of the program as a perk, not a detriment. If the service were cheap or free, it would attract people looking merely for hook ups and casual dates—and I didn’t need any help finding guys like that! I came to realize that the financial investment actually serves as a vetting process, ensuring that the men I’d meet were serious about pursuing a long-term relationship!
- I Don’t Get to Pick Who I Date. Turning over my romantic pursuits to a matchmaker meant I gave up control over who I met! This definitely gave me pause.
How I Got Over It: After mulling it over, I recognized this obstacle would also end up being beneficial in the end. One of the main reasons I considered hiring a dating service in the first place was that I didn’t have time to scroll through hundreds of profiles, reading bio after bio and perusing photo after photo. Losing control of the selection process meant gaining time—which was definitely worth it to me
I am so Glad I did!
And as for why I’m so glad I hired a dating service? Because that’s how I met The One! In May we’ll celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary and we couldn’t be happier! Thankfully, I got over my reservations and joined because Dan and I never would have crossed paths if we hadn’t!
If you’re considering hiring a dating service, I’m sure you’ve grappled with the same concerns I did. I hope my thoughts will help you determine if a matchmaker is for you. And more than anything, I hope you meet The One!
by scmatchmakers | Sep 2, 2017 | Ask the Matchmaker
Jennifer Hayes, the Director of Operations for South Carolina Matchmakers, adds that because bad relationships tend to harden people, matchmakers must encourage clients to keep their hearts and minds open to love. “One of the biggest hurdles we have as a matchmakers is encouraging clients to stay open to the possibilities of finding love,” she tells Mental Floss, in a recent interview.
“Read more at ” Mental Floss that links to the full article
by scmatchmakers | Jun 21, 2017 | Ask the Matchmaker
Colleen is an attractive woman in her forties who’s decided it’s time to meet new people. Recently divorced, she’s a little nervous, but excited for new experiences and possibilities. Unsure where to start, Colleen reaches out to a few of her girl friends to arrange plans for Saturday night.
Attempt #1 is Colleen’s best gal pal from the office. Samantha is also recently divorced, but unlike Colleen, she has completely surrounded herself with work. “You know, I would but I will be out of town this weekend for a conference and open house, and have that retreat the following weekend. How does your schedule look in a month?”
Colleen doesn’t think much of it and tries again. “Who gets lucky on their first attempt, anyway?” she muses as she dials.
Attempt #2 is Colleen’s best friend from grad school. Erin has college-aged children and has much more availability these days. “I’m so sorry,” she sighs. “The hubby and I are doing date night this Saturday. We’ve just been so busy lately, I can’t even tell you the last time we’ve had a meal together.”
Feeling a little disheartened, she shakes it off and scrolls through her phone looking for another number.
Attempt #3 is her best and oldest friend, her sister Karen. “She’ll be up for a few drinks this weekend!” She thinks hopefully. Karen is married with middle school-aged twins with rather complicated extracurricular schedules. “I’d love to go out with you,” she says. “But the girls have soccer tournaments this weekend.”
Discouraged, Colleen opens a bottle of wine and settles in for another night of reruns on the couch. She comes to the realization that dating has changed drastically in the last few years. Meeting people isn’t as easy as it was in her younger years.
These are common stories we hear every day, says Jennifer Hayes of South Carolina Matchmakers.
Want to get back into the dating scene, but aren’t sure where to start? Let us help you on your way! We at South Carolina Matchmakers understand that getting back into the game can be difficult, and often times stressful. Our easy-to-navigate website is designed to eliminate the stress and hassle associated with meeting other singles.
Our company helps mature females who have already found their own direction in life, but are still very much in the dating game. South Carolina Matchmakers is the premier platform when it comes to a safe and reliable method for busy individuals to meet interesting professionals, connect, and form lasting relationships.
The relationship coaches at South Carolina Matchmakers screen and qualify each applicant, giving you the assurance and peace of mind that each potential relationship partner is here for the right reason. You can take comfort in knowing that, by passing our meticulous assessment process, each prospective date has proven they are both mentally and emotionally prepared to take that next step with you. Our diligence and dedication to our clients has made us one the area’s largest introduction service.
That’s why so many singles contact southcarolinamatchmakers.com. We believe in our abilities, so should you!
by scmatchmakers | Feb 13, 2017 | love advice, Uncategorized
For every person you see with a box of chocolates and bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day, you will hear someone else complaining about the cheesiness and commercialism of the holiday. Valentine’s Day is about love, so shouldn’t your gifts really show it? No matter how long you’ve been together, you don’t have to go all out and splurge on expensive, materialistic presents. Some of the best gifts involve sharing time, along with a little thoughtfulness. Besides, the memories last far longer than a dozen roses or a box of chocolates Plus, the pressure to buy the perfect gift can be stressful and time-consuming and take away from the enjoyment of the holiday. Here are a few fun ways to express your love on the 14th — or any other day for that matter.
1. Time in a bottle:
Give your hardworking spouse a full day to do whatever he or she wants — or just to relax — no interruptions allowed… with or without you. For him: Enjoying his favorite hobby, game night with the guys, play 18 holes or do absolutely nothing. For her: A day pass to a home spa, bubble bath and champagne while you feed and entertain the kids, time to read her favorite book, or a night out with the girls. Present your gift in a beautiful bottle or jar along with your most heartfelt message of love and appreciation and a pretty ribbon.
2. Romantic Valentine’s Day Indoor Picnic:
Who doesn’t love a picnic? Cuddle up with your honey at home on Valentine’s Day. An indoor picnic by the fire or candle lights is more romantic than a night out—who needs expensive reservations at a crowded restaurant when you can have an intimate dinner for two in your living room? Or if the weather is beautiful try a backyard picnic. Keep the menu simple and if you don’t have time to cook, pre-order from your favorite takeout place. Add your favorite bottle of wine, some music and just enjoy each other.
3. A Valentine’s Scavenger Hunt:
A romantic treasure hunt is a fun and unique way to celebrate Valentine’s Day, just to let your partner know that you love them. There are many different ways to create a treasure hunt, so cater yours to your relationship. Send your sweetie on a scavenger hunt around the house to find your gift. For example: give them a clue that will lead them to the linen closet, when they get to the linen closet have a clue waiting there that will lead them to the sugar bowl, have a clue in the sugar bowl that leads them to the utensil drawer…and so on. For an extra special touch place each clue inside a little box that is wrapped with pretty paper. With a bit of planning and effort, you can create a romantic treasure hunt that your partner will absolutely love. The best part is you can be the big surprise at the end.
4. Write a Love Letter:
Valentine’s Day is the perfect occasion to write love letters and dedicate them to your beloved. Your Valentine is going to be happier than ever when you write a letter, specially for him or her. If you have the flair for writing, you can surely write a beautiful letter for your special person. Even if you think you can’t write a perfect love letter for your Valentine, there’s much pleasure in imperfection. All you have to do is try to reflect your true feelings and the letter will surely touch their heart.
5. Spice it up in the Magic Room!
Spontaneity is a key ingredient that is often missing from many sexual relationships after a while. The bed gets used all too frequently because it’s easy. But it doesn’t matter where you do it — love making can get stale even if you always have it in the kitchen. It might be in the same position with the same amount of foreplay (or lack thereof). So for this Valentine’s Day Shake it up a little bit.
New place: Try making love in a new place, even if it’s just a different room in the house.
Role-Play: Keep things new and exciting by pretending to be someone new! Role-playing allows couples to experiment with some of their innermost fantasies while adding an element of playfulness to the bedroom. Role-gives you an opportunity to act out your most personal desires, while getting some insight into what your partner is craving.
Try the Shower: Lathering up together is the perfect way to start your Valentine’s Day.
Erotic massage:Light candles and invest in aromatherapeutic massage oil. Give each other erotic massages. I don’t mean a simple shoulder rub after a long day of work — I’m talking about a full-blown massage (in which happy endings are encouraged).
However you spend your Valentine’s just remember to enjoy each other. With our lives so busy, sometimes we just need one day to, tune out the stresses of the day. Make sure you tune out everything but each other!
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
