Q :Dear SC Matchmaker,
I have been married for 4 years and last year I gave birth to twins. I went back to work about 6 months ago. So, now I work full-time and I feel like sometimes I am gonna lose my mind. My husband would love for me just to stay at home and be a full-time wife and mother but I love working and I don’t want to quit my job. My mother agrees with him that there is no way I can balance it all. Sometimes I feel guilty and think that maybe I can’t give my twins 100% because of my job. I am looking for advice on how to balance it all without short changing someone including myself.
A: Dear Gina,
There are many people out there that will question if we can really have it all. My answer is yes… and no. Let me explain. If working makes you happy, you need to continue doing it. My motto is: “Happy children come from happy parents!” However, can we honestly give our children, our husbands, our careers and ourselves 100%? Of course not! But you can learn to do is balance and give them equal time or the quality time they need. Your children are still babies and your time spent with them now is a little more demanding because they are so dependent on you. That will change as they get older. If working full-time is too demanding, maybe try working part-time until the twins get a little older, if you can afford it. I would also communicate how you are feeling to your husband in hopes that he will support your decision either way.
Balancing it all is definitely a juggling act, but one I enjoy. What I learned right after my son was born is sometimes me second guessing myself will lie just beneath my surface of composure, threatening to rock my balance. Sometimes it does, but in order for me to continue full steam ahead with this life I want, I deal with it before it knocks me off. I also learned that my definition of “having it all” changed as my life changed. Communication about my thoughts and feelings with my husband is essential. He is my partner in all of this, and believe it or not, he helps me keep it all balanced. I rely on him for a lot, and he supports me because he knows it makes me happy. Sometimes certain aspects of my life get cheated, but I have learned it is okay. I am not perfect and the world won’t end if I miss a meeting, a date night or a basketball game. Everyone deserves to live a happy and fulfilled life… whatever that is. We love our families, but sometimes we yearn for something more. You shouldn’t feel bad about that, because I believe in the end, it is worth it. To every woman out there that ask, “Can I really have it all?” Yes you can , just not at the same time.